Author Topic: Virus Alert  (Read 1589 times)

Offline Oggie400F

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Virus Alert
« on: March 12, 2020, 07:13:00 PM »
UK Virus ALERT

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent virus threat and have therefore raised their threat level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, level may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.”

The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.

The virus has been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let's Get the Bastard.” They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its alert level from “No worries” to “She'll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

The Russians have said “Its not us”
« Last Edit: March 12, 2020, 07:23:01 PM by Oggie400F »
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Offline Nurse Julie

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Re: Virus Alert
« Reply #1 on: March 12, 2020, 08:01:45 PM »
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Bloody love that.
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Offline Laverda Dave

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Re: Virus Alert
« Reply #2 on: March 12, 2020, 08:52:17 PM »
😂😂😂
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Offline K2-K6

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Re: Virus Alert
« Reply #3 on: March 12, 2020, 09:29:00 PM »
 :) very good.

Offline bruxby-clive

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Re: Virus Alert
« Reply #4 on: March 13, 2020, 04:30:43 PM »
Excellent!!
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Offline hondarc166

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Re: Virus Alert
« Reply #5 on: March 13, 2020, 05:15:15 PM »
 ;D ;D

Online Spitfire

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Re: Virus Alert
« Reply #6 on: March 13, 2020, 07:35:30 PM »
Now that is good, sums it all up

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Offline Greg65

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Re: Virus Alert
« Reply #7 on: March 14, 2020, 09:41:39 PM »
A great bit of light relief.

Thanks
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Offline simonc

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Re: Virus Alert
« Reply #8 on: April 19, 2020, 05:54:08 PM »
very good  :) Chinese said nothing ;D
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Offline ST1100

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Re: Virus Alert
« Reply #9 on: April 19, 2020, 05:56:25 PM »
Brilliant!  ;D
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Offline Corascate

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Re: Virus Alert
« Reply #10 on: April 21, 2020, 10:29:40 PM »
 :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)  brilliant

Offline mickandsej

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Re: Virus Alert
« Reply #11 on: June 01, 2020, 12:41:07 AM »
Spot on and bloody good!
Looking forward to copious dissemination!


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Offline Athame57

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Re: Virus Alert
« Reply #12 on: July 25, 2020, 11:30:44 PM »
What about the Chinese?  ;D
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