Honda-SOHC

Kylie Minogue, Robbie Williams and Elton John are walking over a bridge.
Kylie trips and gets her head jammed between the railings.
With a sideways glance, Robbie pulls aside her G-string and bonks her senseless.
He stands back and tells Elton "Your turn."
Elton bursts into tears.
"What's up?" asks Robbie.
Elton sobs "My head won't fit through the railings!"

While on a road trip, an elderly couple, Jack and Debbie, stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch.
After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip.
When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table and she didn't miss them until they had been driving for about forty minutes.
By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance on the motorway before they could find a place to turn round to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses. All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grumpy old man.
He fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became.
He just wouldn't let up for a single minute.
To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car, and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her .......

“While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card”.

After years of crashing on other people’s couches a guy gets his own flat.  After a week he invites his friends for a little housewarming party with a few liquid refreshments.
Later that night, all are already pretty drunk, when the host decides to give the rest a tour of the house.
There’s not too much furniture, just a load of empty bottles. Then they reach the bedroom, which contains an old mattress but also a beautiful Indonesian gong, quite in contrast with the rest of the interior.
Surprised, one of the guy’s friends asks: “What is that?”
“Well, it came with the house”, he says. “But I figured out that this is a talking clock.”
His mate looks surprised and asks how this ‘clock’ works. The guy then picks up a hammer and gives the gong an ear-shattering pound. “BOOOOOOOOOONNNNNGGGGGG.”
His friends look at each other, agreeing in silence that this guy has officially lost his mind.
But then they hear an angry voice on the other side of the wall scream: “What on earth are you doing you idiot ?! ...........



"It’s 3 am in the morning, for goodness sake!”

A couple were driving along the M62. While the woman was behind the wheel, they were pulled over by the motorway police.
“Madam, did you know you were speeding?” the officer said. The woman, somewhat hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, “What did he say?”
“He said you were speeding!” the old man yelled. The policeman then asked, “May I see your licence?”
The woman turned to her husband again, “What did he say?” The old man yelled back, “He wants to see your licence!”
The woman then gave the officer her licence. “I see you are from Inmarsh,” the patrolman said.
“I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I’ve ever seen.”
The woman turned to her husband again and asked, “What did he say?” The old man replied ..........



“He said he knows you!"

A Mancunian and a Scouser walk into a bakery.
 The Scouser steals 3 buns and puts them into his pockets and leaves. He says to the Mancunian , "That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn't even see me."
 The Mancunian replied, "That's just simple thievery, I'll show you how to do it the honest way and get the same results." The Mancunian then proceeded to call out the owner of the bakery and says, "Sir, I want to show you a magic trick." The owner was intrigued so he came over to see the magic trick.
 The Mancunian asked him for a bun and then he proceeded to eat it. He asked 2 more times and after eating them again the owner says, "Okay my friend, where's the magic trick?"
 The Mancunian then said, "Look in the Scousers pockets.

 

Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.

 When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day
 Mike says, "Joe, we both loved rugby all our lives, and we played rugby
 on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when
 you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's rugby there."

 Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed," Mike, you've been my best
 friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you.

 Shortly after that, Joe passes on.

 At midnight a couple of nights later,

 Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light

 and a voice calling out to him, "Mike--Mike."

 "Who is it? asks Mike sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"


 "Mike--it's me, Joe."

 "You're not Joe. Joe just died."

 "I'm telling you, it's me, Joe," insists the voice."

 "Joe! Where are you?"

 "In heaven", replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a little bad news."

 "Tell me the good news first," says Mike.

 "The good news," Joe says," is that there's rugby in heaven.

 Better yet all our old friends are here.



 Better than that, we're all young again.

 Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows.

 And best of all, we can play rugby all we want, and we never get tired."

 That's fantastic," says Mike. "It's beyond my wildest dreams!

 So what's the bad news



 "You're in the team for this Saturday."

Found this on a Crow/Corvid rescue group I belong to, sad that the Tower of London's oldest Raven died last week, but whoever drew this has a good sense of humour!

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Some food for thought here as we are all of a certain age!

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