Honda-SOHC

General => Humour => Topic started by: captaink on December 15, 2015, 07:30:24 PM

Title: Drowning
Post by: captaink on December 15, 2015, 07:30:24 PM: Whilst strolling around the Waterfront this morning about 11 am., I noticed a terrorist slip from the quayside and fall into the water.
He was struggling to stay afloat because of all the explosives he was carrying. If he didn't get help he'd surely drown.
Being a responsible citizen, and abiding by the law of the land that requires you to help those in distress, I informed the Police, the Ambulance Service, the Fire Dept and the Immigration Office.
It is now 4 p.m., he has drowned, and none of the authorities have yet responded.

I'm starting to think I wasted four stamps.
Title: Re: Drowning
Post by: hairygit on December 15, 2015, 09:16:18 PM: I just love how totally politically incorrect you guys are on here! Very funny!
Title: Re: Drowning
Post by: mike the bike on December 15, 2015, 10:24:14 PM: I like that.
Title: Re: Drowning
Post by: captaink on December 16, 2015, 06:06:42 AM: Went to see a Muslim tribute band last night at a Mosque.
They were called "Bomb Jovi".
Brilliant songs like “Losing my head over you”, “Rocket Launcher Man”
“You’re 6, You’re beautiful, and You’re Mine”
Their last song "Living on a Prayer Mat" almost brought the house down.
Then this Muslim bloke started bragging about how he had the entire Koran on a DVD.
I asked him, "Can you burn me a copy?"
Well that was when the trouble started . . . those bastards have no sense of humour!
Title: Re: Drowning
Post by: RGP750 on December 16, 2015, 06:43:44 AM: Well that started the day with a laugh ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Drowning
Post by: hairygit on December 16, 2015, 06:49:56 AM: Love it!

Sent from my X5 using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Drowning
Post by: Johnwebley on December 16, 2015, 11:04:14 AM: Quote from: hairygit on December 16, 2015, 06:49:56 AM
Love it!

Sent from my X5 using Tapatalk

+1.big grins !!
Title: Re: Drowning
Post by: captaink on December 16, 2015, 12:12:44 PM: On a lighter note

A recent study found that the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year.

Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year, which means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon.

Kind of makes you proud and almost feel like a hybrid.
Title: Re: Drowning
Post by: captaink on December 16, 2015, 12:24:28 PM: Who wants to see two topless strippers ?

Pictures on next post

I'll get them to take there tops off
Title: Re: Drowning
Post by: captaink on December 16, 2015, 12:34:42 PM: Da! Da! :):D ;D
Title: FA12Re: Drowning
Post by: UK Pete on December 16, 2015, 09:19:35 PM: (http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/laughing/rolling.gif) (http://www.sherv.net/)(http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/laughing/rolling.gif) (http://www.sherv.net/)(http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/laughing/rolling.gif) (http://www.sherv.net/)
Title: Re: Drowning
Post by: ST1100 on December 16, 2015, 09:36:38 PM: Quote from: hairygit on December 15, 2015, 09:16:18 PM
I just love how totally politically incorrect you guys are on here! Very funny!
Its a Brit thing... and I LOVE it... ;D
Just keep em coming...
Title: Re: Drowning
Post by: captaink on December 17, 2015, 08:25:01 AM: After their boat sinks, two aussies are left floating around in their lifeboat in the middle of the ocean. All of a sudden one of them spots a funny looking bottle bobbing in the water and pulls it out. He sees something written on the bottle but can't quite read it so he gives it a bit of a rub.
SHAZAM.....out pops a genie!
"For releasing me from the bottle I will grant you one wish."
The guy glances at his mate, smiles and without further hesitation says, "I wish the whole ocean was beer!"
The genie claps his hands together and BOOM, there's a blinding light and the genie is gone. The guy quickly leans over the side of the boat and takes a big swig of "water".
"You're not gonna believe this mate, but it's really beer!"
His mate screws up his face and says "That's just bloody brilliant mate! Now we're going to have to piss in the boat!!”