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Topics - Moorey
31
« on: January 08, 2020, 08:45:25 PM »
Anyone know the o-ring size for the float bowls on the 350/400. Ta.
32
« on: December 19, 2019, 12:40:50 PM »
A 12 degree rise in temperature and the bikes are piss wet through with condensation. Humidity level 92% today.  
33
« on: December 04, 2019, 03:01:26 PM »
A man asked his wife what she'd like for her
birthday. "I'd love to be ten again," she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up
bright and early and off they went to a local
theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride
in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop,
the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow!
Five hours later she staggered out of the theme
park, her head reeling and her stomach upside
down. Right to a McDonald's they went, where
her husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra
fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then
it was off to a movie, the latest Star Wars epic,
a hot dog, popcorn, soda, and M&Ms. What a fabulous
adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and
collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly
asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten
again?"
One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my
dress size."
The moral of this story: Even when the man
is listening, he's still gonna get it wrong.
34
« on: December 01, 2019, 09:20:06 PM »
This last week was my other half's 60th. So we decided to have a few days in London as it is somewhere we have never been. Guess where we happened to be at 2pm on Friday. That's right walking on London Bridge when all that shit unfolded. Now that's one birthday she will never forget. Neither will I as I ended up having to run, as she was off like a scalded cock not giving a chuff about me and even faster when the gunshots started The area put on immediate lock down for 2hrs and nobody allowed to leave or move. Scary shit. My heart goes out to all the victims . Its nothing we want to repeat and just shows how life can change in the blink of a eye.
35
« on: November 09, 2019, 03:16:45 PM »
A politician visited a village and asked villagers what their needs were.
"We have two basic needs honorable Sir", replied the villager leader.
"Firstly, we have a hospital but no doctor."
On hearing this, the politician brought out his phone, after speaking for a while he told them not to worry, a doctor will be there tomorrow, and he asked for the second problem.
"...secondly Sir, there is no mobile phone reception anywhere in this village."
36
« on: November 02, 2019, 09:13:01 PM »
First-year veterinary students were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary medicine, it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving an animal's body." For example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger into the arse of the cow, withdrew it, and stuck his finger in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the arse of the dead cow and, sucked on it.......followed by assorted gagging, retching, and spitting.
When everyone had finished wiping their faces, the Professor looked at them and said, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention. Life is tough but it's even tougher if you're stupid."
37
« on: October 29, 2019, 04:34:31 PM »
Frank was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting.
He travels up to Alaska, spots a small brown bear and shoots it. Right after, there was a tap on his shoulder and he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, "That was a very bad mistake. That was my cousin and I'm going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex."
After considering briefly, Frank decided to accept the latter alternative. So the black bear has his way with Frank. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip back to Alaska where he found the black bear and shot it dead.
Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, "That was a big mistake, Frank. That was my cousin and you've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex."
Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly has his way with Frank. Although he survived, it took several months before Frank fully recovered.
Now Frank is completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then, moments later, there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.
The polar bear looked at him and said, "Admit it Frank, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"
38
« on: October 18, 2019, 10:07:11 AM »
Sarah was in the fertilized egg business She had several hundred young pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.
She kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.
This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny bells and attached them to her roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so she could tell from a distance which rooster was performing. Now, she could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.
Sarah's favourite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen but, this morning she noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! When she went to investigate, she saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
To Sarah's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job, and walk on to the next one.
Sarah was so proud of old Butch, she entered him in a Show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Peace Prize" they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?
Vote carefully in the next election. You can't always hear the bells
39
« on: October 13, 2019, 01:55:44 PM »
it's a five minute walk from my house to the pub
but it's a thirty five minute walk from the pub to my house
the difference is staggering.
40
« on: October 11, 2019, 10:28:22 PM »
41
« on: October 07, 2019, 04:47:13 PM »
Just before we came away to rainy N Wales I took the 400 super four for test and as I wheeled it in one of the rear Showa shocks decided to drop all its oil on the floor. Now these don’t crop up second hand very often, new ones are about £600 each so that left having a rebuild or buying something different. Time seen a factor I plumped for buying others, and took a risk on a pair of cheap Chinese shock off EBay . I have now done about 200mls on them around wet Wales and both of us think they ride nicer than the original Showas with these been a bit stiffer which is what we wanted. If they were to only last 12 months I would be quite happy with them. Cost a ridiculous £55 a pair. Hopefully the weather will be better over the next few days .
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42
« on: October 06, 2019, 11:27:45 PM »
A fireman came from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station. Bell 1 rings and we all put on our jackets. Bell 2 rings and we all slide down the pole. Bell 3 rings and we're ready to go on the trucks."
"From now on," he said, "we're going to run this house the same way." "When I say Bell 1, I want you to strip naked. When I say Bell 2, I want you to jump into bed. When I say Bell 3, we're going to make love all night."
The next night the fireman came home from work and yelled, "Bell 1!" and his wife took off her clothes. "Bell 2," and his wife jumped into bed. "Bell 3," and they began to make love. After two minutes his wife yelled, "Bell 4!"
"What the hell is Bell 4?" the husband asks.
"Roll out more hose," she replied, "you're nowhere near the fire!"
43
« on: October 05, 2019, 07:28:11 PM »
A couple has a dog that snores.
Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he
can help.
The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles, and
he will stop snoring..
'Yeah ............ Right!' She says.
That night.
The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep.
Muttering to herself, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of red
ribbon and ties it carefully around the dog's testicles..
Sure enough, the dog stops snoring.
The woman is amazed.
Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out
drinking with his buddies.
He climbs into bed, falls asleep and immediately begins snoring loudly.
The woman decides maybe the ribbon might work on him.
So, she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of blue ribbon and ties
it around her husband's testicles.
Amazingly, it also works on him!
The woman sleeps soundly.
The husband wakes from his drunken stupor and stumbles into the bathroom.
As he stands in front of the toilet, he glances in the mirror and sees
a blue ribbon attached to his privates.
He is very confused, and as he walks back into the bedroom, he sees the
red ribbon attached to his dog's testicles.
He shakes his head and looks at the dog and whispers,
'I don't know where we were or what we did, but by God we took FIRST
and SECOND place!'
44
« on: October 03, 2019, 09:33:27 PM »
The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists: two men and a woman.
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. “We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you find your wife sitting in a chair… Kill her!!”
The man said, “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.” The agent said, “Then you’re not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.”
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.” The agent said, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”
Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet.
The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. “This gun is loaded with blanks” she said. “I had to kill him with the chair!”
45
« on: October 01, 2019, 08:04:41 PM »
Each Friday night after work, ole country boy Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook venison (deer) steaks. But all of Bubba’s neighbors were Catholic, and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating red meat on Friday.
The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful in that community that they talked to their priest about talking to Bubba.
The priest came to visit Bubba and suggested that he become a Catholic.
After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass. The priest sprinkled holy water over him and said, “You were born a Baptist and raised as a Baptist, but now you are Catholic.”
Bubba’s neighbors were greatly relieved, until the next Friday night arrived and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood once again. The priest was called immediately by the neighbors.
As the priest rushed into Bubba’s yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.
There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water, which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat while chanting, “You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you are a catfish.”
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