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Topics - Moorey

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76
Humour / Chinese meal
« on: October 14, 2018, 05:57:10 PM »
A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the “Chicken Surprise”... the waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

“Good grief, did you see that?” she asks her husband. He hadn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down. Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.

“Please sir,” says the waiter, “what you order?”

The husband replies, “Chicken Surprise”.

“Ah! So solly,” says the waiter, “I bring you Peeking Duck by mistake.

77
Misc / Open / Spark plugs ???
« on: October 04, 2018, 05:28:30 PM »
Denso or NGK  has anyone any preference, if so why.?

78
Humour / Hard to start
« on: October 03, 2018, 09:45:39 AM »
Some can be a bugger to get going at times.
https://imgur.com/gallery/KQrSHT5

79
Other Bikes / Honda 1992 CB400SF
« on: September 24, 2018, 07:29:31 PM »
Well as there seems to be no shortage of 400 fours I thought I would join in and acquired this on Thurs. What a cracking little bike it is to ride. Uncomfortable at the moment, well downright painful due to needing a new hip which hopefully will be done just after Christmas, but I really do like it. I bought it untried and no mot, took it on Sat for test and it sailed through and rode fine. Lorraine went to Sherburn in Elmet on Sunday on it got there no problems. Coming back it started in the carpark fine but after about 400yds spluttered to as stop. Eventually got it started again and this was repeated time and time again until after about 10mls it decided to sort itself out and came home the remaining 15mls no bother. My thoughts are after draining the tank an looking at the snow white plugs are even though it has a manual fuel tap it is also a vac operated diaphragm valve on as well. I think the diaphragm valve must have been stuck starving it of fuel. Pulled in bits and put back together as it was spotless. I  have done 60mls on it today stopping every mile or so and turning off the engine so the vale would operate and it has been faultless. Anyone any other thoughts as it is going on the back of the van on Weds for a few days away.

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80
Misc / Open / For Spitfire F1 Screen
« on: September 10, 2018, 12:44:04 PM »
 Puig Universal screen before modification.
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After. Just requires reshaping the bottom a little and new holes drilling.
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As you can see it nicely clears the trip knob and it does rest against the clocks, I've just put a little stick on foam rubber between to stop any marking of screen or clocks. It works well.

81
Misc / Open / Mirrors
« on: May 28, 2018, 01:00:39 PM »
Has anyone got a tried and tested method of tightening the ball joint on the mirror end. Mine seems to want to adjust itself over 90mph.  :)

82
Misc / Open / A Unexpected Find
« on: April 22, 2018, 03:59:02 PM »
A few weeks ago I was at the first meeting of a Motorhome Club Motorcycle group and on the ride out met a elderly chap from South Wales. He asked if mine was a F1 as he had bought one new and had it put into a Seeley frame along with Lester wheels. He still had the original F1 wheels that he had put in his loft over 40 years ago. Today I met him at Ferrybrige Services on his way to Scotland and bought them. Amazing at times what turns up unexpectedly. The front wheel is equally as good. It will now be getting a change of wheels. [ Guests cannot view attachments ]   [ Guests cannot view attachments ]   [ Guests cannot view attachments ]  

83
CB750 / CB750f exhaust
« on: February 15, 2018, 05:11:34 PM »
I took the exhaust off today to give it a spring clean and lo and behold what I found. Things just don't seem to last these days its only 42 years old. It looks like I will have to give it a bit of refurbishment as the rest is still quite good.
I was surprised to find there is no part number for the exhaust seal between collector and silencer.
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84
Misc / Open / Who has Dicks 750f1
« on: February 09, 2018, 10:47:16 PM »
From the Lurkers thread I post a pic of Dick Emery with what was his f1. I have come across another pic now which shows the reg as PPB 477 R I have just had a look and it is shown as been on sorn. So could be still about anyone got it or know of it.
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85
Humour / Updated History the Death of Nelson
« on: January 22, 2018, 09:49:24 PM »

 Politically Correct Nelson at Trafalgar


 Nelson: "Order the signal, Hardy."


 Hardy: "Aye, aye sir."


 Nelson: "Hold on, that's not what I dictated to Flags. What's the meaning of this?"


 Hardy: "Sorry sir?"


 Nelson (reading aloud): "'England expects every person to do his or her duty,
 regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or
 disability.' - What gobbledegook is this?"


 Hardy: "Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're an equal opportunities employer now. We had the

 devil's own job getting 'England' past the censors, lest it be considered racist."


 Nelson: "Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco."


 Hardy: "Sorry sir. All naval vessels have now been designated smoke-free working environments."


 Nelson: "In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the mainbrace to steel the men before battle."


 Hardy: "The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. It's part of the Government's policy on binge drinking."


 Nelson: "Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with it ........... full speed ahead."


 Hardy: "I think you'll find that there's a 4 knot speed limit in this stretch of water."


 Nelson: "Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle in history.
 We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the crow's nest please."

 Hardy: "That won't be possible, sir."


 Nelson: "What?"


 Hardy: "Health and Safety have closed the crow's nest, sir. No harness; and
 they said that rope ladders don't meet regulations. They won't let
 anyone up there until a proper scaffolding can be erected."


 Nelson: "Then get me the ship's carpenter without delay, Hardy."


 Hardy: "He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the foredeck Admiral."


 Nelson: "Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd."


 Hardy: "Health and safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier-free environment for the differently abled."


 Nelson: "Differently abled? I've only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to
 hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to the rank of admiral by playing the disability card."


 Hardy: "Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under represented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency."



 Nelson: "Whatever next? Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons."


 Hardy: "A couple of problems there too, sir. Health and safety won't let the
 crew up the rigging without hard hats. And they don't want anyone
 breathing in too much salt - haven't you seen the adverts?"


 Nelson: "I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy."


 Hardy: "The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral."


 Nelson: "What? This is mutiny!"


 Hardy: "It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of being charged
 with murder if they actually kill anyone. There are a couple of
 legal-aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks."


 Nelson: "Then how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?"


 Hardy: "Actually, sir, we're not."


 Nelson: "We're not?"


 Hardy: "No, sir. The French and the Spanish are our European partners now.
 According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in this
 stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation."


 Nelson: "But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil."


 Hardy: "I wouldn't let the ship's diversity coordinator hear you saying that sir. You'll be up on disciplinary report."


 Nelson: "You must consider every man an enemy, who speaks ill of your King."


 Hardy: "Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural age. Now
 put on your Kevlar vest; it's the rules. It could save your life"


 Nelson: "Don't tell me - health and safety. Whatever happened to rum, sodomy and the lash?"


 Hardy: As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu! And there's a ban on corporal punishment."


 Nelson: "What about sodomy?"


 Hardy: "I believe that is now legal, sir."

 Nelson: "In that case. . . . . . Kiss me !

86
Misc / Open / Heated Garage
« on: January 13, 2018, 09:55:57 PM »
For a long while I have been looking for some method of heating the garage. Today I have installed one of these.
https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/5000W-Air-diesel-Heater-PLANAR-5-kW-12V-for-trucks-motor-homes-boats-bus/302498235253?hash=item466e4cc375:g:y2cAAOSwHNxaSzXc

Quite easy to fit, it works a treat and I would say big enough for a single uninsulated garage. I might get back out in the garage now.
The exhaust still needs to go out through the wall.
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87
Misc / Open / Heated Grips
« on: January 12, 2018, 09:31:33 PM »
Anyone who rides through the winter and has used heated grips will know just how good they are. Well I was looking for some and came across these https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/PRO-Handlebar-Hand-Warmers-12V-Heated-Grips-Inserts-Motorcycle-Grip-Warmers/302582644958?hash=item467354c0de:g:-FYAAOSwGUBaPGfj others even cheaper are available. Well curiosity got the better of me and I ordered some. I have used them today for the first time on my ANF125 and they are great.  2 settings and you can feel the warmth through winter gloves and liners, wonderful. As far as looks go you can hardly tell they are on and they don't make your bars feel any thicker. How long they will last who knows but the ones I got were the tremendous price of £3.50  but I have been through a few pair of far more expensive heated grips over the years and these certainly do not break the bank. The 750f is also sporting some now. :)

88
Humour / Our lass
« on: December 28, 2017, 05:18:39 PM »
Our lass just stopped and said -
you haven't been listening to a word i've said, have you ?
i thought-
wow,that's a strange way to start a conversation.

89
Humour / Church magazine anyone?
« on: December 27, 2017, 09:43:28 PM »
Church magazine notices
Real Live Bloopers Church Ladies With Typewriters)

They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for the church
ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church
bulletins or were announced at church services:

________________________________


The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

________________________________


Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

________________________________


The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.'The sermon
tonight:'Searching for Jesus.'

________________________________


Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those
things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

________________________________


Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

________________________________


Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious
pleasure to the congregation.

________________________________


For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.

________________________________


Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help
they can get.

________________________________


Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So
ends a friendship that began in their school days.

________________________________


A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will
follow

________________________________


At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?'
Come early and listen to our choir practice.

________________________________


Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several
new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

________________________________


Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person
you want remembered.

________________________________


The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
gracious hostility.

________________________________


Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

________________________________


The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be
seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

________________________________


This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from
the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

________________________________


The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend
him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

________________________________


Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the
back door.

________________________________


The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

________________________________


Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please
use large double door at the side entrance.

________________________________

And this one just about sums them all up

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last
Sunday:
'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'

90
Humour / "WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?"
« on: December 07, 2017, 08:41:45 PM »
 :-\
 "WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?"



 I used to think I was just a regular person, but I was born white, which now, whether I like it or not, makes me a racist.

 I am a fiscal and moral conservative, which by today's standards, makes me a fascist.

 I am heterosexual, which now makes me a homophobe.

 I am mostly non-union, which makes me a traitor to the working class and an ally of big business.

 I was christened by my parents (who were married, in a church and remained married until they died), which now labels me as an infidel.

 I am older than 60 and retired, which makes me useless.

 I think and I reason, therefore I doubt much that the main stream media tells me, which must make me a reactionary.

 I am proud of my heritage which makes me a xenophobe.

 I value my safety and that of my family and I appreciate the police and the legal system, which makes me a right-wing extremist.

 I believe in hard work, fair play, and fair compensation according to each individual's merits, which today makes me an anti-socialist.

 I (and most of the people I know), acquired a fair education without student loan debts and little or no debt at graduation, which makes me some kind of odd underachiever.

 I believe in the defence and protection of the homeland for and by all citizens and I honour those who served in the Armed Forces, which now makes me a right wing-militant.

 Please help me come to terms with the new me… because I'm just not sure who the hell I am anymore!

 I would like to thank all my friends for sticking with me through these seemingly abrupt, new found changes in my life and my thinking. I just can't imagine or understand what's happened to me so quickly!

 Funny …it’s all just taken place over the last 7 or 8 years!

 As if all this nonsense wasn’t enough to deal with ... and now





 .... I’m not sure which toilet to go into..............  :-\

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