Kate Middleton doll and other stuff I need first.....

[kaceyk2]

If it was a choice of fighting for the Royal family or fighting alongside Cromwell, I would have gone with the Royal family, mainly because with the Royal family you got cool looking feathers in your uniform and didn't have to "sport" one of the worst pudding basin haircuts ever seen in recent history.
Also if the king or queen won, and you were on their side, and you helped, then you got stuff..
Not crappy stuff either, but really good stuff like big houses in the countryside with long drives and loads of rooms where you could play games of sliding down the polished wooden hallways on a rug with visitors. Also you got  money for servants and it was totally normal for the maids to wear uniforms.
LIfe would have been very good , all you had to do was have very large parties with lots of "food in food" like say an egg cooked inside a chicken cooked inside a swan cooked inside a child accused of treason, cooked inside an elephants womb, and that would make all the nobles happy and admire you more.
Entertainment often included midget tossing which was totally politically correct at the time, and peasant baiting was expected at every available opportunity.
BUt,
If you fought for Cromwell, then even though he won, you got crappy stuff, like a bad haircut, no drinking or dancing, and had to do bible classes and go to church and be serious all the time, even at night when you were on your Own time. And not have maids in uniforms,
Worse , you had to eat bread and water and be gratefull for gruel at easter.

I have been told I have a "cavalier attitude" so I think that would have helped on my CV.

I am therefore not at all "anti-royal"

Having come close to buying the "princess Diana, popular princess of the people doll" obviously I am now glad that I didn't as she turned out to be far naughtier than she pretended to be and the Queen had to have her terminated.
It is now very obvious that should I have bought the doll, I would now be in possesion of the "Princess Diana,  ex not really accepted royal, adulterer, and  person the Queen only pretended to like  doll"
As it is totally obvious that whilst Prince William looks a little like his mum and Prince Charles,
It is also totally obvious that Prince Harry does not...even though red hair was "found" in the Spencer familys history it is believed to be "photo-shopped"

However he is the spitting Image of James Hewitt when he was Harrys age. (see photo)
The likeness is uncanny.

I am therefore, a tad hesitant to purchase the Kate Middleton Doll, not because she comes from a peasant familly, or because the Doll is not being sold for a price peasent's can afford.
It is because there are some things I would rather buy First.
Here is my list of things I would rather buy first.

(a.) Some medieval plague Buboils recently recovered from a corpse preserved in a peat bog, so I can rub them under my armpits.

(b) A wonderfull home dentist outfit with extra drill bits that I have in my ebay watch list.(Item relisted, 3 bids, no "buy it now" price, seller 13% positive feedback, 11 negatives in the last six weeks)

(c) The Ray Mears guide to killing Bear Gryliss with a "how-to" supplement that describes making a utensil for the killing out of bamboo, and detailed instructions on cooking the corpse,and making stuff out of the remains like spoons and cordage and fish hooks.

(d) A pet piglet that I will call "Moses Goldbloom" (because you wouldnt be allowed to eat it)

(e) Some more parts from D.Silver, but NOT, NOT, Nos parts, I want NEW parts, they are far more spectacular these days and really glow in the dark.

Even though the Kate middleton Doll comes with a "Replica" engagement ring as a way of Baiting ALL peasants that will never be able to buy a real ring like this.. I am not at all tempted.

I would rather chew on the massive wart that Oliver Cromwell had on his nose.

[UK Pete]

Nice one, LMAO
see what you mean about hewit and son,

[K2-K6]

Those two pictures are spookily close in appearance Kacey, I'll not add anything incriminating!!

Probably what Mr Hewitt would look like with a full restoration.

[RupertB]

At least the postage stamps will look pretty!

[kaceyk2]

I just found a couple of pics of Diana dolls...
The first was for public sale and made fire retardent so the Queen couldnt get one and taunt it with candles Voodoo style. (she did anywaybut it didn't work, it just made Diana look red in the face with the heat)
The second was made not for public sale and made just for the Queen, it obviously shows Diana in her Grave and Gives the Queen great amusement when she feels down.

IT appears that it could well be hard to avoid any mention of the Royal Pre-divorce festivities on telly next week, even if you haven't bought a Kate middle of the road Doll.

Cammilla Park her balls will be there it transpires but will be wearing a veil so as not to take the focus off the more beautifull Horses. (Charlie will not be riding her there after all.)

All Fayad did not get a ticket to westminster abbey, It is believed it's because he refused to sell the Kate middle of the road doll in Harrods, even though it comes with free replica engagement ring worth $55.
It has been alleged mr. Al Fayad called the ring tacky and said he had won better ones at the fairground.

The Pope has not yet given his public blessing to the soon to be very unhappy couple, In a statement given today the Pope showed his Hostitlity towards Prince William, claiming that William "Totally failed in His crusade to win back the Holy City of Jerusalam from the grip of the Saracen usurper"
And called the marriage " A Gross and unacceptable Dereliction of Duty"

The Arch Bishop of Canterbury , a normally quiet allthough sometimes outspoken critic of voodoo, has expressed "grave reservations" about the choice of music for the pre-divorce ceremony.

In an interview given to the Pontyates probiscus (the eyes and ears of the Welsh valleys)
He commented " It is only my opinion, but the first song chosen by the soon to be unhappy couple, from the musical Caberet; "Tommorrow belongs to me" has, Overt Natzi overtones, and I am not completely happy with it.

The second piece of music, The more traditional hymn "Jerusalem" allthough a nice tune, may atagonise  the Catholic element amongst us especially those Papists who also think William failed in his duty to wrest the Holy city from the Saracen usurper.

Completely dissmissing the suggestion that the third piece of music would be Paul Anka's Diana, and personally Karioked by Kate middle of the road, He said "thats about as likely as Elton Johns Candle in the wind first being written for Marylin Monroe, and then changed just for a Princess, It would be like saying 'Heres a secondhand song for a seconhand princess' and would again be unacceptable."

Commutors around the Westminster Abbey area have reported hearing "March of the Valkeries" being played on the Organ within the Abbey, When Put to the Arch-Bishop, he claimed "The organist is probably practising for another wedding, probably one more Germanic"

When it was suggested to the the Arch-Bishop that there will without doubt be many, many helicopters scrutinizing every rooftop for homeless people during the whole day, and therefore, should "march of the valkeries" be played it could conjure up a lot of fear in ordinary folk, He was heard to mutter "oh my god yes apocalypse now, I thought you meant Vagner was a natzi, and that would be two natzi songs you would be accusing us of sanctioning!"

"Off the record" said the Arch-bishop, "what would you have?"
I said "on the record, I would have 'Nights In White Satin' ,but I wouldn't advise that as folks might focus in on the "Nights" bit, and start thinking about the crusades again and Williams failure to secure the citadel at you know where."

And that was that.

I am off to do research on exactly how much this is going to cost us all, even those of us who havent bought the kate middle of the road Doll... I expect to report back with an exact figure per person....
Plus,
The staggering financial and mental cost of avoiding it all, with some "avoidence" tips and hints.
your roving reporter
kaceyk2

[RupertB]

More like the retarded doll! That one is truly scary. I can only think they made it fire retardant as they guessed what most people would want to do to it.

Anyway you know what they say about marriage - it is like a pack of cards. At the start you just need two hearts and a diamond. A few years down the line you end up wanting a club and a spade.